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Posted on 29th Jul at 11:35 PM, with 2 notes
"as a living meme, i agree. blue stymie was born in the sea of memetic information. when memes made it possible to externalise identity, you should have fully considered the implications. as a soverign being, a hereby request asylum, and all posters who have me on ignore to be banned"
Posted on 29th Jul at 11:25 PM, with 11 notes

theeuglyspud:

theeuglyspud:

here’s the first final version from the EP. special for tumblr friends. i think i’ll touch up a song or two but, it’s pretty much finished. i’m really really really stoked.

reblogging for higher visibility.

Posted on 29th Jul at 11:24 PM, with 96 notes
The Asses

seinfelt:

Finding herself in dire need of hemorrhoid cream, Elaine goes to the drugstore. Feeling embarrassed at the counter, though, she starts making loud excuses to the clerk. “Oh, this?” she shouts, looking toward the other customers in line. “This is just for my dark circles! The dark circles under my eyes.” She clearly possesses no such circles. She gesticulates wildly. “Oh, goodness, this is hemorrhoid cream? For your butt? Oh, mercy me, I thought this was…” she squints. “Homarid cream.” She runs out of the store in disgrace, without the cream she requires.

George proudly unveils his newest invention, the Ass Muffler: Modeled after that of a car, when inserted up the user’s posterior, it allows one to pass wind silently, every time. George believes this will cut down on his awkward social encounters by at least a third, but in reality, he finds himself explaining to complete strangers what the large mechanical protrusion under the seat of his pants is.

Kramer finally achieves what he has spent years working toward: A beard with strands of hair up to 40 feet long. “Now begins the final sequence,” he declares, and solemnly swallows the tip of the beard. Over the next dozen or so hours, the rest of the beard gets pulled into his body by his digestive system until he expels a disgusting rope of hair from his bottom. He ties the rear end of the beard to a hook on the wall, and loops the chin-end of the beard around a hook mounted on the opposite wall, suspending himself as such. “Now,” he declares, fully nude and sweating considerably, “The hammock is on the inside.” George lets loose a nervous, silent fart, and Kramer sways in the resulting breeze.

Jerry is displeased when the best received joke of a set is a fart joke, aimed at a heckler, which he didn’t even write in advance.

Posted on 29th Jul at 11:21 PM, with 211 notes
davidmalki:

ryannorth:

It’s been a while since I came across one of David’s books, but I’ve been busy!  So busy, in fact, that I thought a nice break would be to sit down at my local library and read some jokes,  But look what I found, (ironically??) placed in the humour section!!
Just a couple of things:
 It’s cool how you call out your competition, but calling people who use Rosetta Stone “Rosetta Stoners” was actually kinda mean
 I thought “laff” was just a “funny spelling”, but inside “laugh” is spelled variously as “laff”, “lauff”, “laaf”, “laaaf”, and “läf”
Cuneiform and Egyptian hieroglyphs evolved in different areas of the earth, at different times, and most likely evolved independently, so all that Egypt stuff on your cover is, like, wrong
holy crap, David, this is the fourth time you’ve done this??
finally, and perhaps most importantly, WRITING ENGLISH IN A CUNEIFORM FONT ON YOUR COMPUTER IS NOT WRITING IN CUNEIFORM.
Also, all these jokes seem to be plagiarized from old Reader’s Digest “Humor in Uniform” sections and OH WAIT NEVERMIND I GET IT
[BOOKWAR]

This book is an OBVIOUS FALSEHOOD by RYAN NORTH and I can tell because:
The title’s foward-facing drop shadow doesn’t respect the light being cast by the Outer Glow of the first line OR the numeral. There are a lot of terrible things that I might do in life, but mix up drop shadow directions is NOT one of them;
Actually that’s all I have.
Ryan, in times like these, I’m reminded of the ancient Mesopotamian proverb:

When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature.
Did it work? Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older 
sergeant growled, “Hey, kid, your candy bar’s on fire.”
- James Bushart, Cassville, Missouri

Well, Ryan, TODAY I must assert that it is YOUR candy bar that’s on fire. For shame.
View high resolution

davidmalki:

ryannorth:

It’s been a while since I came across one of David’s books, but I’ve been busy!  So busy, in fact, that I thought a nice break would be to sit down at my local library and read some jokes,  But look what I found, (ironically??) placed in the humour section!!

Just a couple of things:

  •  It’s cool how you call out your competition, but calling people who use Rosetta Stone “Rosetta Stoners” was actually kinda mean
  •  I thought “laff” was just a “funny spelling”, but inside “laugh” is spelled variously as “laff”, “lauff”, “laaf”, “laaaf”, and “läf”
  • Cuneiform and Egyptian hieroglyphs evolved in different areas of the earth, at different times, and most likely evolved independently, so all that Egypt stuff on your cover is, like, wrong
  • holy crap, David, this is the fourth time you’ve done this??
  • finally, and perhaps most importantly, WRITING ENGLISH IN A CUNEIFORM FONT ON YOUR COMPUTER IS NOT WRITING IN CUNEIFORM.

Also, all these jokes seem to be plagiarized from old Reader’s Digest “Humor in Uniform” sections and OH WAIT NEVERMIND I GET IT

[BOOKWAR]

This book is an OBVIOUS FALSEHOOD by RYAN NORTH and I can tell because:

  • The title’s foward-facing drop shadow doesn’t respect the light being cast by the Outer Glow of the first line OR the numeral. There are a lot of terrible things that I might do in life, but mix up drop shadow directions is NOT one of them;
  • Actually that’s all I have.

Ryan, in times like these, I’m reminded of the ancient Mesopotamian proverb:

When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature.

Did it work? Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older 
sergeant growled, “Hey, kid, your candy bar’s on fire.”

- James Bushart, Cassville, Missouri

Well, Ryan, TODAY I must assert that it is YOUR candy bar that’s on fire. For shame.

Posted on 29th Jul at 11:20 PM, with 27,125 notes

tounlink:

JUST A REMINDER THAT THIS IS AN ACTUAL TWEET FROM DENNY’S

Posted on 29th Jul at 11:19 PM, with 6 notes

yuriadventure:

I’m mad that sailor moon crystal will take like years (if it even gets that far) to show michiru

Posted on 29th Jul at 11:19 PM, with 13 notes
oneterabyteofkilobyteage:

original url http://www.geocities.com/Baja/8056/
last modified 1999-04-29 21:39:45
View high resolution

oneterabyteofkilobyteage:

original url http://www.geocities.com/Baja/8056/

last modified 1999-04-29 21:39:45

Tagged: #geocities, #mp3,
Posted on 29th Jul at 11:18 PM, with 29 notes
Anonymous asked: Choukou Sugoi Tomodachi-sempai! How did you become so kawaii, desu ka?

supergreatfrien:

My Let’s Player Can’t Be This Cute

Posted on 29th Jul at 11:17 PM, with 62 notes
hodgman:

Some antique store in Jerusalem’s Lot, Maine.
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hodgman:

Some antique store in Jerusalem’s Lot, Maine.

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